if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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