i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
