remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
