I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
