Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
