Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just forgot I was standing up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
