It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
