thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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