Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
