I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
