a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
