Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
