i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
