We're like a lot better than the average bears
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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