I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
