you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
