anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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