worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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