apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
