also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
