sarcasm needs its own font
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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