your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
