What did we do last night that was yellow?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
