i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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