you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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