I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
