I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
