that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
