i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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