omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
