Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
