I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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