So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
