I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
