if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
