From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
