you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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