Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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