i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
