True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
