Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
