I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I party with great urgency now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
