I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
