Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
