When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
