is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
