I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
