College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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