made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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