onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
