Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
